I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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