I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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