At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
