WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
