i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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