i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
