my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Randomize
