i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
