fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
