I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
