Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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