just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
