I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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