I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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