and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
