I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
