I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
