Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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