have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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