I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
