every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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