"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
