I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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