Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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