he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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