So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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