he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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