I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
