Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
