Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
