No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
