And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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