I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
