I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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