the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
