So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
