his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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