He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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