I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
