you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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