I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
