when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
