Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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