tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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