i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
