I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
