pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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