youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
