I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
