Jerry, you need to find god
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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